I miss you
by Beth Warlow
Summary: Katherine is in The Other Side, and she had been watching Stefan, writing on his diary. This night she is watching him too, and she finds this entry is addressed to her… this fic is a song fic based in the song "When you're gone" by Avril Lavigne.


**Synopsis**: Katherine is in The Other Side, and she had been watching Stefan, writing on his diary. This night she is watching him too, and she finds this entry is addressed to her… this fic is a song fic based in the song "When you're gone" by Avril Lavigne.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own the rights of the characters Damon, Elena, Katherine, and Stefan they belong to L. J. Smith y la CW.

This fic is in contest in thematic challenge, "A song a story" from the forum "The Vampire Diaries: Dangerous Liaisons." The forum is in Spanish.

Katherine's POV in cursive. Stefan's diary normal letter.

_After the stupid prank played to me by Tessa, I am in The Other Side. I was so, so sad of being here watching, Stefan suffer. I wanted to be with him. I really love him. I really do. Is just that I've been so… selfish. And I was too afraid. That, I didn't noticed it until it was too late. Now I am dead and The Other Side is falling apart. _

_I don't know why, but before I could only be where somebody thought about me, but now I can be where I want and even can move things. And now I am watching Stefan writing in his diary, as I have been doing for the past few days. I open my eyes wide when I saw today's entry is the only one that has a recipient… and this recipient happens to be me, and it make me shiver. I recompose myself and I stand behind Stefan and read what he's writing._

Dear Katherine,

This is a love letter, and I hope you can read it. I love you and I miss you.

Yes! I admit it my feelings about you are real, not were… are real!

I know you weren't a good girl, but to be truthful, you weren't bad. Yes, I don't look at you like you were a bad girl. You were just misunderstood sometimes, you were a little troubled, and you were a little dysfunctional. But you were a survivor. And that's what make you special.

All my friends even my brother would say that you are vain, self-centered, and somewhat spoiled, but that isn't looking at the whole picture; because I know you can be loving, and that you care about people; and you had an intelligent, bright mind.

On the outside you seemed charming, although you were soulless, and smart; but on the inside you were just an insecure girl that just wanted affection and to be loved.

I know… I mean, I had always knew that you never compelled me, you never compelled me to love you, it was real, and it is real! I love you and I will always do...

The only time I remember you compelling me was the morning after that night when you show me you were a vampire. I remember being so afraid, and you took my fear away, but I would never tell, I know it now, I wouldn't dare tell anyone that you were a vampire. I loved you… yes, is did and I do now.

But now you are dead… and my heart feel like is tearing apart.

_Oh, Stefan, my dear Stefan, you love me? And I can't do anything else than drop out a tear._

_**when you're gone  
the pieces of my heart are missing you**_

The first time I thought you die, I suffer your absence for 145 years, until I met Elena. I thought my suffering had ended, until you came back. And my heart began struggling between what I felt in the past 145 years and what I felt then 2 years ago. I know it wasn't fair to Elena that I told her I loved you, so I had choose her. And then all kind of things happened, but you were still there, telling me that the only reason because you returned to Mystic Falls was me.

I had missed you then as I do now.

And I remember when I awoke as a vampire, finding you had turned Damon too, it made me feel jealous. As I had been every time you take those long walks with him. And that's why I ran Mezzanotte to the woods, to get away from you and Damon. I didn't want to see how happy you were with my brother, and that's also a reason why I got engaged with Rosalyn, I wanted to forget about you because you were happy with my brother.

And I was miserable, I was so miserable, I never thought in my happiness. I just wanted father to be happy, Rosalyn to be happy, The Cartwright's to be happy, you and Damon to be happy. And I was engaged with Rosalyn, until you killed her.

And you were there to me, at Rosalyn's funeral comforting me, and your condolences felt real, even though you had killed her. Then you told me that you would never kill anyone unless those ones that you love were in danger. Now I think that you belief that I was in danger, not danger that threatened my life, but in danger of being miserable the rest of my life, and you saved me from that.

And even I didn't love Rosalyn, because I was already in love with you, I was shattered about her dead. And you waited for me to be ready, you never compelled me to be happy, you never did.

_**Always needed time on my own**_

And you showed me how much you loved me. That night in my room when you told that you have a secret, and that your secret was that you had been worried about me. About me falling apart.

And I remember your breath was unnaturally cold against my cheek. I remember my leg muscles twitched. Remember you telling me Rosalyn was dead and she would want me to be happy. Even though Damon had told me the same thing, the words made infinitely more sense when coming from your mouth.

And then I remember, you scolding me about neglecting the flowers you picked up for me, and I remember you telling me about that "he loves me, he loves me not" silly game. And I remember you asked me for and answer, biting your lip in the impression of a shy maiden, leaning toward me. I remember my body began quivering with a desire I didn't know I possessed. I remember my lips were mere inches away from yours. At first I was shy but your scent hypnotized me, yes didn't compelled me as it is, your scent, your ginger and lemon scent, did all the job. I felt as if I were watching the scene unfold, powerless to stop what I was about to do. I thought that was wrong. Sinful. But how could it be sinful if every fiber of my being wanted it more than anything? Rosalyn was dead. You were alive. And I was alive, too, and I needed to start acting like it.

I reached for your waist. I grabbed you and pulled you onto the bed, my bed with a strength I didn't know I possessed. You shrieked in delight and tumbled onto the bed next to me. Your breath was sweet, and your hands were cold and holding mines, and suddenly, nothing else, not Rosalyn, not my father's demons (the vampires), not even Damon, mattered. So I kissed you eagerly.

_You are right Stefan, I never compelled you only that time, you were afraid. I was afraid of you telling everybody, I was a vampire… and now I am sorry, I regret compelling you, I shouldn't ever compelled you… I shouldn't ever have doubt of your love_.

_**I never thought I'd need you there when I cry  
and the days feel like years when I'm alone**_

I remember waking the next morning and stretched my arms outward, dejected when I touched nothing but goose-down pillows. A slight indentation in the mattress next to me was the only proof that what had happened had been real, and not one of the fever dreams I'd been having since Rosalyn's death.

Of course, I couldn't expected you to have spent the night with me. Not with your maid waiting at the carriage house, and not with the way the servants talked. You'd told me that this had to be our secret that you couldn't risk ruining your reputation, and I agreed, because I wanted us to have our own secret world, together.

I wondered when you'd slipped away, from my bedroom, remembering the feeling of you in my arms, a warmth and lightness I'd never felt before. I felt whole, and at peace, and the thought of Rosalyn was just a vague memory, a character in an unpleasant story that I'd simply put out of my mind.

I remember how my mind was consumed with thoughts of you: how you pulled the curtains closed as the summer storm pelted hail on the windows, how you'd allowed my hands to explore your exquisite body. I remember, I was caressing your neck and you worried about me unclasping your lapislazuli cameo, but you stopped me and began kissing me with the same eager I did before. And I remember all the other places that you allow me to touch, that night our first night together. I remember feeling you shivering under my touch. I remember us kissing so eagerly, almost consuming each other. I remember me helping you to undress. And I remember my hands going all trough around you naked body. I remember how my entire body ignited when you touched me. My entire body ignites when I remember your touch. I love you.

Oh, God that really was a wonderful way of comforting me. But the next morning my jealousy came out and I almost confronted Damon about you. I thought that we would be better if he just leave, so I didn't have to think about Damon and you, swinging on the porch swing together. And thoughts of you sneaking in Damon's bedroom haunted me. But I told myself that you couldn't. Because the previous night you'd seemed so nervous about getting caught, having me promise over and over again that I'd never breathe a word to anybody about what we'd done.

_Oh, Stefan I would like you can hear me. You were first of you two with which I was, and you were the last one I was with, back then. And now you are the only one, I want to be with._

All that I needed then were you. And every time I really was in danger of losing my mind you were there to me. Then and now.

You were there to me. You helped me with Silas aftermath. You risked you own life to get me from that dark place I was. And then we made love again, and believe me it was better that the first time. I felt your warm body shivering at my touch. I felt your lips burning every time I kissed you. But I was so afraid of my feelings. Feelings that I know now always been there. But this doesn't mean that didn't love Elena because, I did, even though I don't do now.

And now the Travelers are trying to undo magic. And I need you. I need you by my side.

_**do you see how much I need you right now**_

And I miss you, but I always have been a coward. I was a coward back then in 1864. And I am now. I'm a coward. If I would have admitted my feelings for you soon enough but I didn't. And now I regret it. I regret not telling you my true feelings when you asked what had happened, that glorious and wonderful night when we were together making love. I was afraid of my feelings. Because you were dying. I don't know how I was getting to belittle that of ALL things! Because I knew that what transpired in my bed was far from fucking, was far from a moment of weakness. How DARE I elude to it being such? Why was I in denial? I am sorry about not telling you the truth, because to me it'd been more than just a moment, so much more than that. It'd been an EPIPHANY. And because I was afraid, afraid of my feelings, I'd behaved like dick.

But I can say something in my behalf? It was that I was terrified of you dying. I wouldn't dare to be in love again and lost you again…

_And now I am crying because I love you too. I'll always do. But once upon a time ago I was afraid too, I was afraid of losing you forever, in Klaus hands. And that was my biggest mistake._

And you figured a way to stay alive, and I am sorry for what I did to you, I am sorry about killing you, but you chose the wrong body. Yes, I know she looks exactly like you. But she is not you. And I can tell the difference. She is good, she is kind, and sometimes you are to. And she can be passionate but not as you, I mean you are pure passion.

And now I feel something I've never felt before. Because every place in the house I go reminds me of you, the living room, the library, my bedroom, your bedroom, even Damon's bedroom. And everything that I do reminds me of you. I see your backpack, your last clothes, and they remind me of you. I think I can feel you, I think I can even smell your ginger and lemon scent. Because we were made for each other, now, always and forever. And all I ever wanted was for you to know. That I'd give my heart and soul just to you be here with me. Because I need you to be here with me.

And I miss you, I miss you a lot.

_**I can hardly breathe, I need to feel you here with me, yeah**_

_And I would do anything to be with you because I miss you too, but I can't be with you, can I? ..._

The end?


End file.
